Comments on: Why aren’t marriages getting happier?

By: rwpdx

rwpdx — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 20:56:24 +0000

“You might argue that the increasing equality within marriage would make women happier and men sadder in their marriages.” The expectation of happiness is the happiness killer, not equality. Not only an expectation that any emotion, be it sad, happy, angry, calm, or otherwise will be with you, but also that said emotion will stay with you indefinitely is not emotionally intelligent. When you are waiting for, or seeking, happiness you cannot, be definition, be happy.

“You might think, that with all the change in marriage since the 1960s, marriage in the U.S. would have changed more.” The US has alot of expectation of happiness in relationships. It is more appropriate to realize that, barring emotional or physical violence, that ~you~ are responsible for how you feel.

By: annnee

annnee — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 21:08:10 +0000

“very happy” [3], “pretty happy” [2], and “not too happy” [1])

I am disappointed in these three options. In a way its judging ones marriage on a scale of 1-3. Not a big enough scale in my opinion.

I am really happy in many ways in my marriage. I have been married for 8 years and am still very much committed to this marriage, and still plan on being committed to it for life.

I would have a hard time choosing my answer. Pretty or very? I think many people would struggle with what exactly that answer would mean. I personally wish the question(s) were asked differently to help us better understand people’s happiness and contentment levels.

By: odorunara

odorunara — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 02:13:49 +0000

My two cents: we have become more equal in statistics but not in society. That is, a husband and wife may be both working, making about the same salary, etc., but because of subconsciously falling into societal pressures and expectations regarding housework, childcare, etc., they are unhappy because they expect equality and don’t receive or participate in it at home (the woman burdening childcare) or at work (a father being judged for wanting parental/paternal leave or to take his kid to the doctor during work hours.)

It would be interesting to note how happy people are by age, how that changes over time, and the happiness levels of couples with kids.

By: J. Pate

J. Pate — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 23:24:35 +0000

It is important to add that a revert to more traditional period with more strict gender roles would not increase marriage satisfaction. I am a young, 23 year old, happily married woman. I just celebrated my 4 year wedding anniversary. My husband and I hold no traditional gender roles, we share all responsibility in the household equally. We are fortunate to be so happily married, but I honestly believe that the cause for a lot of divorce is due to high expectations. We are bombarded by a society that tells us that we can, and should, do it all! We are to be successful at home, at work, and to equally manage our time and responsibilities. It is stressful. Personal stress becomes marriage stress and when it only adds up..